i'm pregnant

I knew today was going to blow as soon as I woke up. I could hear the wind screaming outside my apartment window just as the sun came up and it didn't stop for the rest of the day

As some of you know, I am currently unemployed, I was fired from gayT&T last month and I was notified today that they were not going to pay unemployment benefits that I felt I deserved. I had not really planned on them not paying, I found this out five minutes after getting out of bed, and it really set the day up for failure. Then shoes starting dropping everywhere. Long story short …. I havent found a job, even a shitty one....and its fucking terrifying.

Insert “no one plans to fail, fail to plan quote here”

Here's the thing, I'm kinda getting tired of asking....when is it gonna get easier? It seems like every two weeks something else comes smashing down the bad news turnpike and straight into my world. I know I should be grateful for what I have, and I am, but at some point you have to throw your hands up question your life's purpose. And right now I don't really have one. OTHER than raising my Zara. If she wasn't around God only knows where would be.

I know the answer to my question, I know its never gonna get any easier. Life is always gonna throw shit my direction I just have to get used to the smell and find a bigger place to shovel it. I just have to keep getting back up like Tony Romo does after the gets throttled..oh wait ...what..really? FML

I don't think I have ever been this uncertain about my next move, honestly i've been avoiding dealing with this for a few weeks now. I have always rolled with the punches pretty well, I handle change better than I should but this one...this one right here...this situation I have got myself into is going to change the rest of my life. I'm basically pregnant but instead of having a child inside of my uterus(what) I have a restart button based on a rather BOLD decision that I made days after my dismissal. I can do what ever I want. It is just a matter of how bad I really want something, and also a matter of being cool with not having as much as I did and still be happy. Notice I said “something” I still have no idea what I want to do or who I want to be when I grow up. And I don't think a lot of people really do.. we all just wind up doing something until we retire, like my dad did, or your get fired like his son did pretty cut and dry.

I'm choosing to be happy, and it turns out that not quite as easy as I thought it was gonna be, at least in the beginning. But nothing worth having comes easy, I think John Wayne said that or maybe it was Patton either way its true. I made the decision to get fired from my job because I was miserable doing what I was doing. I had extra money, but I still found a way to be broke by payday, so endgame philosophy is why not be happy and broke? Sounds like a halfway decent plan amirite? (swidt)

Wish me luck cause here I go, showing once more that my tattooed mantra isn't just for show. Buy the ticket, take the ride.

i really didn't intend for that to rhyme

poet. knowit